There are things in this life, we (just we) are meant to do

Morning Pages writing really makes a profound difference in my life.  Having completed one Artist’s Way Workbook, I have fallen off the wagon again, so to speak.  It is time to get back on.  It is also time to manage myself in such a way as to get myself out and walking ASAP in the morning.  I’m not sure which needs to come first, which will be the best way to generate not only the ideas but the motivation, conviction and focus for accomplishing the things that are important to me to get done in the day.
I feel really blessed.  The books, A Life of One’s Own and The Four Agreements, have found their way back into my hands.  I feel very definitely that they are meant to be touchstones and teachers and instigators for me personally, as well as, for my work.  I have major lessons to learn for myself, being here with Maxine.  What a mirror she can be.  What an annoyance.  How she can frustrate me.  And yet, it is all me.  All me having to look at me.  All me annoying me.  All me frustrating me.  I like the idea of using the term “agreements”.  It seems appropriate to me to think of our planning out this life’s experience as culminating in agreements.  The word seems to denote a distancing from understanding and knowledge, which we feel in this life.  Yet, we know, intrinsically there are things we (just we, ourselves) are meant to do.  For me, I feel such a tentativeness to knowing, exactly, what that is.  Perhaps the largest schism between me and the religion I was raised with, may well be in seeking and finding what is unique to me, to learn and to contribute, and the burden of being told by others, what I need to be doing, learning and contributing.  My life has certainly NOT been what I thought, and what I perceive I was taught, it would be.  I term it, my life has not been what it spozed to be.
When I look at that and think about it, (my life not being what it spozed to be), I think how much of my seeing it that way has to do with my upbringing and my sense of the expectation of others.  I do believe that I have taken (and continue to take) myself “much too seriously”.  No one spends all the time I think they do thinking about me and what I’m doing.  Nonetheless, I find I try much harder to please others than to even explore what it would take for me to please myself.If I am ever to accomplish in this life what I am meant to, it makes sense to me that I need to change that around.

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