I’m struggling with a deep sense of negative emotion as I try to clarify my dream.
I realize — finally — it feels less than half a dream to me, as I have such a desire in its own dream for a man and for me to create my dream without his input seems to either lock him out or torpedo my dreams when he comes. [[That would be over my confusion about men/women relationships in general and not ever having talked that stuff through with wisdom and compassion in the same room. Or, more realistically, real mutual interest in my dreams.]]
Having someone in my mind I’d never had there before – even briefly – as I walked through my dream house (I’ve done that many times before — we’re talking in my mind) it didn’t take long before I was pretty sure he would hate it, — or more accurately, at least the location of it.
It’s a lot like a conversation stopper, the tires squeal and screech in the mind, and the bubble is definitely burst.
To me, this is a genuine stumper. I’m not looking to get all negative over it but it is clear my body has stopped being willing to play “hear no evil, see no evil” with me. That is a good thing. I can’t reasonably pray for help with clarity and then pull the covers over my head in the same breath.
So, what do I do? Frame up all my dreams and hold my breath that the right man for me will not only adore me but everything I want as if all that were his very own dream as well? That definitely seems a stretch does it not?
And, it isn’t as if I have all the time in the world. I mean it would be pretty fun to write a book about the dilemma, tour the countryside meeting all the folks in their sixties who’ve just finally found the right mate, possibly even soul mate, and enjoy a good meal of laughter and tears over all the stories they make.
But, what the hay, hey! Really! I know one of my High School friends got remarried recently (some thirty plus years after the first marriage ended). She and hubby didn’t even move in together for over six months. Houses to settle and everything. I’m exhausted just thinking about it and no, thank you very much, I’m not ready to be single the rest of my life.
I’ve had a dream of having the “ideal” (to my way of thinking) relationship with a man since I was in the third grade. I just don’t want to give up now.